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Dec. 4th, 2016

(no subject)

i was supposed to be at work right now. but two hours before my shift started, i was making dinner and cut my thumb pretty badly with my new (sharp!) knife and so i called to tell them i probably wouldn't make it and would be going to see about stitches. at the clinic, they said because it was a straight cut, they could use this super glue to glue it together, so she did that - if it were jagged it would've been sutured. it hurts a bit and looks like its bleeding through my band-aid at this point. im hoping this glue and band aid is enough cause wtf.

last night i was watching "drop dead fred" with my son, while being interrupted constantly by amber and her friends who were over (which was weird - there were 4 boys and 2 girls - the first time she's had boys over) and during the dinner scene where lizzie is holding a napkin over her face and stuff i thought, o wow, i didn't realize before, she has schizophrenia (not quite) - and then with all the commotion in the house we didn't finish the movie

so i put it on today, from about where it left off, and watching as an adult who works in healthcare, this film is actually quite amazing and i am really impressed by the guys who wrote it.

I always loved Drop Dead Fred as a kid. cause Mayall is HILARIOUS. but as a kid, i didn't realize that it was about lizzie having a mental breakdown. I just thought her imaginary friend legit came back and was running amok. cause that happens. and that her mom is mean. and her husband is a jerk. I didn't realize that her imaginary friend is a psychosis brought on by major stress and a history of abuse.

in the scene where lizzie says good-bye to fred, she has this dream sequence that is just like a technique i read about in the book neuro-linguistic programming for dummies (or brainwashing for dummies) that can be used for getting rid of bad dreams caused by PTSD or just about bad memories in general. you change aspects of the memory, or visualize a new but familiar scenario to confront the person/thing who caused trauma and then change them, change the outcome. you can make that person become tiny tiny till they disappear, or float away or something like that. confront it and change it from a safe place (like while being guided by a skilled therapist) and it will help to take you power back. control the memory. in that scene at the top of her stairs, she finds her self as a child (her inner child) taped into her bed (like how her mom had taped Fred), and she frees her and hugs her, Fred says "we have to go now" and only adult lizzie is on the bed. the movie was really about how her mom's psychological abuse had fucked her up, but she got over it. i'm actually really blown away and am mad at those critics who gave it such bad reviews when it came out just cause they thought it was vulgar/obnoxious. Rik Mayall was super talented and it actually was a great story. though mostly very sad, the implications for lizzie.

Nov. 20th, 2016

(no subject)

at least there's this

Sep. 6th, 2016

(no subject)

i made this so i can send it to people on their birthday

tears for fears' mad world
this is the URL http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8322129

today was not a "happy birthday"
(really i mean yesterday but i worked until 11pm and i haven't gone to sleep yet so it still feels like today)
september 5th was the day my dad died
and my mom called and now i know my grandpa shares this with him.
september 5th is probably a "lovely day to die" ...for the one dying. sad for the ones left behind.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B8w7AduzyUxJeTNTRGR3dEtJeVk/view (last wednesday)

my grandpa was an engineer in Ontario and he told me jokes that made me smarter. he was easy going and loved to laugh. he thought it was hilarious that i had a boyfriend at age five and every year he'd ask how jordan was and then he'd crack up laughing when i told him. he and barb were the only people irl that told me i could be whatever i wanted to be. like really believe it and instill that in a child.

everyone dies.

Aug. 5th, 2016

(no subject)

that 2nd song is from the end credits of shrek 2, Arthur wrote it for that movie so its not on any of his albums, only the soundtrack. I bought the soundtrack now lol for that song. and cause amber said she put on shrek 2 the other day just so she could hear Accidentally in Love by the counting crows

amber is getting so big now. 14.5. I'm really happy with how they're turning out (kids)

and for some reason Arthur too, critically acclaimed, I never hear him on the radio. those two songs were from 2004! I'm glad I've found him (through shrek 2 wtf)

Aug. 4th, 2016

(no subject)

I got the internet back yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh

Jul. 28th, 2016


(no subject)

ive ruined everything

Jun. 17th, 2016



Jun. 9th, 2016


today I finished a course at McMaster University that is only offered to people in the brain injury field, now my official work title is Rehabilitation Therapist yay. since Im posting about work, I thought id include a picture of something we did as a team building exercise at a staff meeting. we were all given a paper to write our name on, then passed it along and our coworkers would write something nice on it. I really like it tbh, it was nice reading a bunch of nice things that ppl think about u.
 photo Team_zpshoreisiy.jpg

May. 20th, 2016

face black and white


I have no internet at my house. it's starting to get to me. right now I'm posting this from my phone, something I wasnt sure was possible, and not as enjoyable as using my PC. o well. im still working mostly nights and its fucking with my body and my life. but I wont have to for much longer. In june I can get out of it.

maddy is 2 and a half now. I miss having time alone/ enough time to take care of myself.

 photo IMG_20160511_092949_zpslb5mlqrw.jpg
 photo IMG_20160516_065129_edit_edit_zpshi4dp0k0.jpg
 photo IMG_20160506_114002_edit_zps9tfjptc6.jpg

Mar. 12th, 2016

face black and white

(no subject)

How did i never hear of Grimes til recently? at least now with flesh without blood she's played on the radio - and mainstream radio even

from the article,

The sexual [stigma] is more dangerous than the cute thing. I see a lot of female artists who have a sexual image — it’s almost impossible for them to be taken seriously in a critical sense...

...The fact that people can’t deal with vaginas, it’s like, “Still? In this day and age, they’re scary imagery?” It’s ridiculous. And having them be a knuckle ring is so aggressive. If you punched someone with the ring on, it would leave a clitoris-shaped imprint on their face.

on her art angels album, the song 'pin' really grew on me. no video for it tho, only this

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